Nugatory
by Petitio Principii
Summary: Emotions fly as the truth of Akira unfolds. Toya Meijin sits and thinks about his Akira, his only child, his...daughter. AkiraHikaru NOT SLASH.
1. Prologue

_AN: I apologize ahead of time for any mistakes in italics or bolds, as this is my first fanfiction. I hope you enjoy!_

_AkiraHikaru but NOT slash._

**NUGATORY  
****Prologue**

_Toya Meijin's POV_

* * *

Meijin Toya was a lying, deceitful man. 

He sat in the serene stillness of his room with his Go board. He practiced strategies and acted situations, for he wanted the best from him and his son. But even that was a lie, for Meijin had no son, just...a daughter.

He remembered that day so clearly--he sat in the waiting room with a bit of a grin on his face as he envisioned all that he would do with his son. He would teach him Go at an early age and he would watch as his son won title after title, walking in his father's footsteps.

But of course, that all changed when his wife was rolled out of the room holding the child. Her smile was wide as she spoke, "Say 'Hello' to our little girl!"

As the words left her mouth, his grin faltered to a frown. "Girl?" he choked, as if there was perhaps some mistake. "Yes, Meijin, what shall we name her? Suki? Or maybe...Rei?"

At that moment he felt his insides literally rip apart, he felt incomplete and broken. "Akira," he muttered in a gruff tone, as he turned his back on his wife and daughter. His wife's face showed a bit of confusion. "...Akira? Isn't that a bit...masculine?" When he turned back to face his family, even if there was no mirror, he knew just how cold and firm his eyes must have been. "Yes...after all he is our son, right dear?"

He remembered perhaps the most clearly the look of utter terror on her face at that statement. After a moment, she hung her head low and spoke in a whisper, "Yes, dear, of course."

He also remembered all the lies he told Akira. "I love you, my son," he would whisper in Akira's ear before he slumbered. "Be sure to make friends with all the other little boys!" he would encourage Akira before he left for school. And perhaps the worst--"You are like all the other men in my family, Akira. You have a gift for Go."

Yet through everything he said, he knew that Akira never once believed him. He had once heard his wife as she spoke to Akira in a tone she hoped none could hear. "My child, no matter what Daddy says, you'll always be my daughter. Perhaps if we pretend just a little longer, the game will end." Of course, he punished his wife for saying such things, but there was no doubt her words never left Akira's mind.

Then there was the day when Akira was in fourth grade. The day Akira just couldn't take anymore. "Father, I refuse to be your son!" Akira had screamed in a rage. His wife tried to hold Akira down, as tears streamed down her face. Akira broke free from her hold and lashed out at him. That was Akira's mistake, and Akira learned so from the… lesson that followed.

After that day, Akira had never spoken a word against him. All of his hard work had finally come to use, and he truly had a son.

That was before Hikaru Shindo disrupted the balance.

* * *

_AN: Please review, feedback is cool. If you have ideas, those are great. I promise you, this will have romance in later. _


	2. Boy Clothes

**DISCLAIMER: I, in no way, own Hikaru No Go. And I'm not witty enough to think of some cool remark about how much I don't own it.**

_Sorry about the mistake about the whole 'Meijin' thing. Terribly sorry, and I must admit I haven't read all that much of Hikaru No Go, a good bit, but I haven't even read to the part about Sai disappearing. (Or so I'm told.) _

_Also, I will refer to Akira as 'she' in her POV (She IS a girl,) but in other POVs I will refer to Akira as 'he' unless they know that Akira is a girl. You do understand that, right?_

_On with 'Nugatory'..._

_HikaruAkira, but NOT slash._

**NUGATORY  
Chapter 1 – Boy Clothes**

_Touya Akira's POV_

* * *

Strips of sunlight streamed in through the window blinds in Akira's room. Her hair was slightly scruffy as she rose from her bed.

She sighed as she groggily padded towards her dresser, opening the drawer and pulling out several set of clothes.

_Boy clothes_, snapped a voice in her head.

"I am a boy," she voiced her thoughts aloud, feeling it was the only way she could better that voice.

_You know you lie_, it hissed.

And Akira did know she was a girl, but believing she was a boy was just so much easier. Everyday she would just try to fit in with other boys, though many times it proved futile. Try as hard as she might, she knew she couldn't be like them, she was too different. It also didn't help Akira's mind that girls were claiming to be in love with her.

Love.

It was something Akira didn't want to think about, for she knew she could never have it. What was she to do if she found herself falling for a boy? She very much couldn't outright tell him--she could imagine all the headlines that could strike up. And she couldn't tell him that she was actually a girl. First of all, what if he didn't believe her? Or, what if he rejected her and the secret got out? Akira shook her head; she didn't want to think of what her father would do to her if that happened.

What would her father do about marriage?

Perhaps he would have her marry some prestigious woman, have no honeymoon, then after a week or so declare the woman pregnant, wait a few months and say the baby was born when really it was a baby from some orphanage, then have the wife killed off in some accident? Akira didn't doubt that her father would do something of the sort. What better way to be sure to have a son, anyway?

_Wouldn't want to have that mistake again would we?_ the voice barked.

Akira cringed. She would wish no one the burden of hers. Perhaps that was for the better.

Sometimes in a heat of rage Akira found herself mad at her mother. It was her fault she could have no other children, and everyone knew it so getting some child from an orphanage couldn't be done. But after a wave of fury, Akira would realize how wrong she was and how hard her mother was trying to help.

Akira snapped out of her daze and realized she needed to hurry and head of to school. She quickly dressed into her Kaio uniform and speed-walked downstairs.

"Hello, _son_," a voice broke the silence and Akira's whole body froze. Akira knew it was her father, for her mother called her nothing but Akira, or when she was feeling extremely emotional, child. But never son. Never.

"Hello, father," Akira spoke, the words feeling like ice to her lips. She tried her best to cover her features with an emotionless mask.

"A bit late today, _son_?" her father chirped with a false smile.

"Yes, father, so I best be going," Akira droned in monotone, then walked towards the door signaling the conversation was over. She picked up her bag and headed for the exit. Just as her hand was about to reach the handle on the sliding door, her father's voice again shattered the pleasant silence.

"Be sure to make friends with all the _other _little boys."

Akira didn't answer; she just bolted out the door. She didn't want to be like this! Weren't families supposed to love each other for who they were? Why did she have to get him as a father? Why? Why, why, WHY? She held back tears as she jogged towards Kaio, not wanting to be chauffeured there. After all, it was only a couple of blocks away. She needed to be alone for at least a moment.

Tears threatened to fall, and Akira slowed her pace to a walk, thinking.

It was one of those happy, sunshine days, and Akira couldn't help but seethe at that. What right did everyone have to be so happy? She wiped her eyes with her arm and continued onwards.

It wasn't until she arrived at Kaio, almost late, that she realized she forgot to strap herself in.

_Just another thing to go wrong_, the voice returned, much to Akira's dismay.

* * *

AN: Sorry, as of right now, I can't do review responses as I'm pushing for time, and I need to go ahead and get this out since it's been sitting for a few days. Thanks for all the reviews though, you guys are the GREATEST.

Also, if you happen to seriously not understand 'strapping in', I can tell you, but I'm confident enough that you people know. Oo

And 'The voice' isn't some supernatural thing incase someone gets that idea. It's all just in poor Akira's head.


	3. Eboshi Hat

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HIKARU NO GO.**

**_This is a reprint of Chapter 3, as it was bugging me a bit, but Crawler's review really got me off my butt to change it.  
It's not much changes, but I think it's more believable, I apologize once again.  
In Hikaru's POV, however, he will still refer to HeiHachi as Grandpa or Grandfather, not because I'm lazy, but he never calls him by anything else as far as I know.  
TOTALLY edited the police, they aren't stupid now.  
Oh yes, and in this AU Akari is his GF. Don't worry, they'll split._**

_Alright, this is a BIG apology to all of you. I've made mistakes, can you forgive me?_

_First of all, this is AU, and Hikaru doesn't get 'possessed' ,so to speak, by Sai until Middle School._

_Sorry about making the elder Touya seem 'evil' but I needed someone, and he struck me as the kind of father who would want to have a legacy so bad he would do something like what's happening here._

_Sorry, this chapter is_ _non-Akira, but I have to get around to Hikaru sometime._

_And since I have no idea of Hikaru's Grandfather's name, he is Grandpa. Sorry, again._

_As much as I hate bold writing, Sai's speech will be in bold, and as always a character's thoughts will be in italics._

_Enjoy!_

**NUGATORY  
Chapter 2 – Eboshi Hat**

_Hikaru's POV

* * *

_

It all started in his Grandpa's attic...

Hikaru had to stay at his Grandpa's house the entire weekend, a fact he wasn't too pleased about. His grandfather was grumpy, and if you ever got on the subject of Go he would ramble on and on like he was some pro. To say it annoyed Hikaru would be an understatement. It also happened to bore him extensively.

And that was one of the numerous reasons Hikaru had chosen that moment to dig through the endless piles of junk in his Grandfather's attic. Not because he was so desperate for fun, he would never resort to such measures, but he was after money. Yep, it seemed as if almost everything he did revolved around money. Even soccer. Ok, not entirely, but the money he could gain if he became professional was a definite perk.

One could perhaps describe Hikaru as a jock. He was at least relatively popular, and had a good number of girls that fancied him.

As of now, his girlfriend was Akari, one of his old friends. But let's not wander off to a tangent.

"There must be _something_ of value in this freak attic," Hikaru grumbled under his breath.

It wasn't until about five minutes later until something caught his eye.

It was a Go board. It looked antique, and could probably be worth a good bit. And it was also at the bottom of the pile.

Against all better judgment and common sense, and perhaps blinded a bit by his desire to make a few bucks, Hikaru reached for the Go board, causing an avalanche. Probably an overstatement, but it seemed like one to Hikaru. He massaged the minor bump on his head with his hand, but took the Go board with the other.

He admired it for a moment, but then realized the faded blood stain in the right corner. He studied it for a moment then voiced his thoughts aloud.

"Who bothers keeping an old Go board but doesn't even try to clean it up a little?" his voice resounded in the cluttered attic.

**_You...see it? You see the stains?_**

"Whoa!" Hikaru jumped back, "Who's there?" He searched frantically around the attic, but his search was futile.

**_You can hear my voice?_**

"Darn right I can, now show yourself!"

_**As you wish, young one...**_

Hikaru regretted saying that.

From the Go board arose a figure in traditional Japanese clothes and a black eboshi hat. At first, Hikaru wasn't sure whether it was a man or a woman, but the refined contours of the face seemed to point more towards the gender of a male.

_**Finally...I can return...**_

That was the last thing Hikaru heard before blacking out.

* * *

_HeiHachi's (Hikaru's Grandpa) POV

* * *

_

He was a proud man.

HeiHachi knew he was good at Go, but for some reason, Hikaru never seemed to grasp that. Or Go for that matter.

Hikaru never really spent time with him, so when HeiHachi didn't see Hikaru for about an hour, he didn't worry.

"He's probably just moping in the spare room," he would console himself, and then his thoughts would revert away from Hikaru.

But now two hours had passed. _I better go check on him_, HeiHachi finally decided. Of course, HeiHachi was assured Hikaru would be there, but he figured it was best to check. As he gradually opened the sliding door he spoke, "Hey Hikaru, is there anything I can ge--"

It was empty.

He panicked. HeiHachi started to jog around the house. "Hikaru? HIKARU! HIKARU WHERE ARE YOU?" And of course there was no answer.

HeiHachi searched for about ten minutes or so, and then decided it was best to call the police and let them handle it.

As soon as the police arrived and had heard Heihachi's story, they gave the house a quick search, the sent some into the close vicinity, but they still couldn't find him. They asked HeiHachi if there was anywhere, _anywhere_, that they might not have checked. At first HeiHachi shook his head, but then he remembered something.

The attic.

He hadn't thought to look there, as the last time heentered the attic was about two months ago. But maybe…_just maybe_…Hikaru was there.

HeiHachi and some of the police ventured up the stairway to the attic, HeiHachi afraid of what he might find.

* * *

**_Hope that's better. Thank's Crawler!_**

_I hope you're not disappointed with the long wait and short update. I started a new fic, so it took some time too._

_Sorry if Hikaru seemed like some money-freak, I tried to tone it down, but in the early manga before Sai started to influence him, Hikaru seemed to like money a good bit.  
Sorry if I forgot to mention anything, just tell me to and I promise I won't forget next time to answer!_

_Please give me your thoughts, as they are greatly appreciated!_


End file.
